Sunday, 20 July 2008

The Last Thing the Old Man Heard was...

...the unoriginal blathering of an idiot on the radio.

I just caught the last few lines of a radio play, in which a woman narrated, "The last thing she heard was the [somethingunoriginal] mute as a stone [more unoriginality]." The construction itself is a cliché, but to add cliché to cliché and then give this a prime, 6-7pm slot on BBC Radio 4 is the epitome of cultural stagnation, if you ask me.

So in tribute, I am proud to unveil the latest slightly pop, designed-to-annoy-Simon's-delicate-experimental-sensibilities, surrealistic game: "The [Last] [Thing] [the [Old] Man] [Heard] was [...]"

Based on Exquisite Corpse, the rules are simple: replace the relevant parts of the sentence to come up with the most satisfying response to the BBC's utter lack of inspiration or adventure.


"The last thing the BBC Radio 4 Production Controller felt was the rusty halberd slipping between his buttocks."

"The only thing the reformed Al Qaeda Terrorist could think of to do was lapse by dropping a bomb full of Charlie Brookers on the BBC's Shepherd's Bush HQ."

"The first time George Ttoouli read Louis Macneice's The Dark Tower was like dropping contemporary BBC radio programming into a bucket of Pam Ayers' piss."


1 comment:

Jon Ware said...

"The last thing struck the unsuspecting construction worker down from behind like an enraged cat jumping on the face of a relentlessly ordinary twelve-year-old girl."

That's my contribution, but I inverted the 'seeing' concept so it's in no way satisfying.