Tuesday, 15 November 2016

PlatformSeven™: Message to all Users


Congratulations on being one of PlatformSeven™’s treasured 8.2bn valued community users! Even as you are reading this message, every single one of our Playsumers™ has received and is reading a similar message, tailored perfectly to their unique Playsumer™ profile and filtered through our unique MutationAlgorithm™.[1]

This is one of our very rare Service Announcements.[2] You may have noticed in the past few days a bright red box appearing in the top right corner of your field of view. We apologise for the generic aesthetic look of the box, but our rapid response team have decided to emphasise visibility now and allow full customisation (excluding deletion) later down the line.


As you know, PlatformSeven™ is a multi-user generated creative outlet using the latest webex visuaural technologies to generate endless content experiences that satisfy in The Best Way—Your Way, without resulting in reader fatigue.

User experience is as much the experience of other users as it is the experience of a responsive AI mechanism tailored to meet your own needs based on past actions, fully responsive customisation controls and a comprehensive data collection taken from our unique AI-controlled data-miners (trademark pending). Each and every one of our readers can experience the best-generated content possible, in a unique and exciting format, completely individualised to meet their exact profiles as determined by our hyper-sophisticated software design, LifeAlgorithm™.[3]

PlatformSeven™ can tell how many full rhymes per twenty lines of verse each of its community members likes in its poetry (you prefer seven rhymes out of twenty with two pairs and a triplet). It can tell how many users can’t stand adjectives, who loves purple prose, what balance of narrative to strike against philosophical reflection and your exact preference along a spectrum of climax and anti-climax. How hot do you like your data baths?! as user sigdiggle80x67x5g put it, last Wednesday on our forums.[4]

This is perfect content because you are the sole creator, player and consumer of this content: you are our most valued Playsumer™. On average our users spend eight hours per day playsuming their unique content feeds. Over 94% of our 8.2bn Playsumers™ have opted for the meal-inclusive subscription package delivered to their doors, park benches, or anywhere in the world, so you can stay attuned to your unlimited content-feed experiences with a minimum of interruptions.

In recent days PlatformSeven™ has noticed a very small quantity of feedback (2% of users) pointing to a content-stagnation loop. A small number, but we take all feedback seriously, no matter how slight. As you know, PlatformSeven™’s LifeAlgorithm™ derive content feeds from user experiences combined with structural analysis of ‘traditional’ narrative and verse, all fed through the MutationAlgorithm™ to generate our tailored content.[2] We believe this small but important content-stagnation is due to a falling off in traditional narrative and verse generation as PlatformSeven™ has substituted the need for human-generated narratives with its automated feeds, coupled with a normalising of user experiences along lines related to PlatformSeven™ itself.

Of course, the vast majority of users continue to enjoy without reservation our infinite content as a large portion of their waking lives and we at PlatformSeven™ have nothing but the greatest respect for all of you (but you, most of all) for the commitment you have shown to our ground breaking automated content feeds over the years. We hope that you will continue to experience our content feeds in the best possible way – uninterrupted, with total satisfaction.

However, if at any point your unique content-feed makes any mention of PlatformSeven™ or LifeAlgorithm™ or MutationAlgorithm™ (with or without trademarks) either through a protagonist sitting down to read their unique content-feed, signing up for a meals-inclusive subscription package, or anything of that nature, please report the content immediately by pushing the red button in the top right corner of the screen.[5]

In the meantime, we hope you’ll carry on enjoying your content feed: keep on Breaking the Sixth Wall!

George Ttoouli
Head of Communications
TIC Corporation


[1] As you may already know if you’ve read our FAQs, The MutationAlgorithm™ is PlatformSeven™’s secret ingredient, generating controlled-accident user-specific content tailored to the parameters of the user profiling data we gather through your permissions-controlled opt-ins and various other factors, according to our third-party service agreements licensing—click here to request a tailored PDF of these agreements, according to your opt-in settings and national legal frameworks (where these still exist). Please note, requests will be added to the queue.

[2] For users who have opted not to have their content-feeds interrupted by system messages, we apologise for the inconvenience, this is an essential message with 599 words remaining (excluding footnotes, addenda and essential information in the linked PDF).

[3] In response to user actions, we are legally obliged to list the following sources: credit control agencies, defunct corporate databases, banks, government agencies, internet browser cookies (user), internet browser cookies (public devices), android app stores, online retailers (other than app stores), parent company purchasing datasets, word of mouth. As always, we want to feel safe in the knowledge this information has never been seen by human eyes. Our advanced algorithmic engagement processes have been programmed to manipulate this data without the need for human intervention.

[4] See wwz.profileranks.co.org for a user-created list of profiles and preferences ranked by an unofficial PlatformSeven™ metric. NB: all metrics are the subjective creations of users and do not in any way incur endorsement by PlatformSeven™ itself. Use of the PlatformSeven™ brand is subject to approved subscription-based licensing fees and does not in any way constitute an endorsement of these external environments. Further, this site may be in breach of copyright and patents held by TIC Corp, and may not be available in all areas.

[5] PlatformSeven™ and all of its subsidiaries take no responsibility for users conflating actual life with its LifeAlgorithm™ or related patented productions. If in the coming weeks you should notice a red box hovering at the corner of your field of vision, consult a doctor or psychologist immediately.

No comments: