DEAR PLAYSUMER™,
Congratulations on
being one of PlatformSeven™’s treasured 8.2bn valued community
users! Even as you are reading this message, every single one of our
Playsumers™ has received and is reading a similar message, tailored
perfectly to their unique Playsumer™ profile and filtered through
our unique MutationAlgorithm™.[1]
This is one of our very
rare Service Announcements.[2] You may have noticed in the past few days
a bright red box appearing in the top right corner of your field of
view. We apologise for the generic aesthetic look of the box, but our
rapid response team have decided to emphasise visibility now and
allow full customisation (excluding deletion) later down the line.
WHY THE BOX?
As you know,
PlatformSeven™ is a multi-user generated creative outlet using the
latest webex visuaural technologies to generate endless content
experiences that satisfy in The Best Way—Your Way, without
resulting in reader fatigue.
User experience is as
much the experience of other users as it is the experience of a
responsive AI mechanism tailored to meet your own needs based on past
actions, fully responsive customisation controls and a comprehensive
data collection taken from our unique AI-controlled data-miners
(trademark pending). Each and every one of our readers can experience
the best-generated content possible, in a unique and exciting format,
completely individualised to meet their exact profiles as determined
by our hyper-sophisticated software design, LifeAlgorithm™.[3]
PlatformSeven™ can
tell how many full rhymes per twenty lines of verse each of its
community members likes in its poetry (you prefer seven rhymes out of
twenty with two pairs and a triplet). It can tell how many users
can’t stand adjectives, who loves purple prose, what balance of
narrative to strike against philosophical reflection and your exact
preference along a spectrum of climax and anti-climax. How hot do
you like your data baths?! as user sigdiggle80x67x5g put
it, last Wednesday on our forums.[4]
This is perfect
content because you are the sole creator, player and consumer of
this content: you are our most valued Playsumer™. On average our
users spend eight hours per day playsuming their unique content
feeds. Over 94% of our 8.2bn Playsumers™ have opted for the
meal-inclusive subscription package delivered to their doors, park
benches, or anywhere in the world, so you can stay attuned to your unlimited content-feed experiences with a minimum of interruptions.
In recent days
PlatformSeven™ has noticed a very small quantity of feedback (2% of
users) pointing to a content-stagnation loop. A small number, but we
take all feedback seriously, no matter how slight. As you know,
PlatformSeven™’s LifeAlgorithm™ derive content feeds from user
experiences combined with structural analysis of ‘traditional’
narrative and verse, all fed through the MutationAlgorithm™ to
generate our tailored content.[2] We believe this small but important
content-stagnation is due to a falling off in traditional narrative
and verse generation as PlatformSeven™ has substituted the need for
human-generated narratives with its automated feeds, coupled with a
normalising of user experiences along lines related to PlatformSeven™
itself.
Of course, the vast
majority of users continue to enjoy without reservation our infinite
content as a large portion of their waking lives and we at
PlatformSeven™ have nothing but the greatest respect for all of you
(but you, most of all) for the commitment you have shown to
our ground breaking automated content feeds over the years. We hope
that you will continue to experience our content feeds in the best
possible way – uninterrupted, with total satisfaction.
In the meantime, we hope
you’ll carry on enjoying your content feed: keep on Breaking
the Sixth Wall!
George Ttoouli
Head of Communications
TIC Corporation
===
[1] As you may already
know if you’ve read our FAQs, The MutationAlgorithm™ is
PlatformSeven™’s secret ingredient, generating
controlled-accident user-specific content tailored to the parameters
of the user profiling data we gather through your
permissions-controlled opt-ins and various other factors, according
to our third-party service agreements licensing—click here to
request a tailored PDF of these agreements, according to your opt-in
settings and national legal frameworks (where these still exist).
Please note, requests will be added to the queue.
[2] For users who have opted not to have their content-feeds interrupted by system messages, we apologise for the inconvenience, this is an essential message with 599 words remaining (excluding footnotes, addenda and essential information in the linked PDF).
[3] In response to user
actions, we are legally obliged to list the following sources: credit
control agencies, defunct corporate databases, banks, government
agencies, internet browser cookies (user), internet browser cookies
(public devices), android app stores, online retailers (other than
app stores), parent company purchasing datasets, word of mouth. As
always, we want to feel safe in the knowledge this information has
never been seen by human eyes. Our advanced algorithmic engagement
processes have been programmed to manipulate this data without the
need for human intervention.
[4] See
wwz.profileranks.co.org for a user-created list of profiles and preferences ranked by
an unofficial PlatformSeven™ metric. NB: all metrics are the
subjective creations of users and do not in any way incur endorsement
by PlatformSeven™ itself. Use of the PlatformSeven™ brand is
subject to approved subscription-based licensing fees and does not in
any way constitute an endorsement of these external environments. Further, this site may be in breach of copyright and patents held by TIC Corp, and may not be available in all areas.
[5] PlatformSeven™
and all of its subsidiaries take no responsibility for users
conflating actual life with its LifeAlgorithm™ or related patented
productions. If in the coming weeks you should notice a red box
hovering at the corner of your field of vision, consult a doctor or
psychologist immediately.
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